Empire State of Mind

Haven't been posting due to my internship in glorious NYC!!!!!
Back for the 2nd time at my social work gig, but it's not a bad thing at all. So what if I'm working with teen-aged delinquents, in a closet that I share with 3 others, and live in another unventelated closet on an air shaft. It's New York City and that alone is amazing.

In other news - I'm fat. Not as fat as I used to be, but fatter than when school ended. Isn't all this walking supposed to help shed the pounds...Let's try for a better tomorrow.....

She Wolf

This has been an up and down kind of week/month(/life, if we're going to be real about it). I got a terrible grade on a midterm and then got a great grade back on a paper. I have 3 more papers due in the next week. I have started on none. That hurts my soul...just a little.

I also managed to loose two pounds in the last two weeks. I am now below the weight I was before I started gaining. If I can keep this up, I'll be my ideal weight in no time.

I can't wait until Thanksgiving though...I need the time away from this place. School has in now way pulled me into the downward spiral which it did last year and quiet frankly I wouldn't let it. I would kill to keep that kind of darkness away. Right now I have my body (not all of it, but getting close), I have my mind (my grades have been pretty good, for now), my heart (I
m breaking up with Mr. Man, of my own choice and it actually doesn't hurt). I have so much right now, so much that I would kill to keep. I just need to keep it up and if I'm lucky I can get myself even more. Like a wolf stalking its prey....

For You I Will (Confidence)

I saw him again today, and there was this one awkward moment while riding in his car, but for the most part it was absolutely lovely. He took me to him favorite organic supermarket downtown. We showed each other our favorite foods, - vegetables, snacks, teas. We even talked about what kinds of whole wheat flours we like to use.

I wanted to kiss him so badly, but..there are so many buts. But he just got out of a relationship. But I'm going back to school - in two days. But I don't think I'm his type. My friends like to think that he likes me and I think he was trying to get me to go out with him tonight. It would be just my luck that he likes them tall and skinny and blonde.

I wanted to kiss him so many times today but nothing seemed to fit. And no I'm not in that cute guy induced haze. He's smart, but he's not in school any more. He walked away from MIT and now refuses to even go to our local tech school. He's nice and sweet, but we don't have the same beliefs, which to me at least are very important.

Now that I've wasted this post on McHottie...onto my weight. My measurements have certainly shrunken along with the descending numbers on the scale. My mother, of all people told me that I looked thinner....in light colored jeans to boot (those things make your ass look like Mt. Rushmore). I'm more than half way to my goal...12 more pounds to go.

Living is Simple

Counting down the days...and right now living is simple and living is easy, at least for right now. I'm really not feeling anything except the the warm summer breeze and the urge to lay out. I have been so much more positive over the past few months, and I've been told that its disarming. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I certainly don't care. I feel good - great actually. The same is true from my appearance. Sweet 16...right on the scale. It may not be much for you, but for me it the start of something more beautiful and new.

Sidenote: I have finally met a man who intrigues me. Funny, intelligent (MIT), and attractive. Plus he's a smart-ass, just the way I like them. I could wish for something more, but the grind of school recommences in exactly one week. If only in my mind....

Closer

Everyday I get a little closer, dear -
I don't feel thinner, but everyone, including the scale says I am. TEN! Hopefully that will be more on by this Saturday. I have five more weeks until I'm back at the salt mines - ah the glorious grasp of private New England college. Painfully thin girls, athletically trim boys, and the snowy winters to die for.....

Here's a bit my thinspo collection to make up for my recent absence

Little Pieces

Do hearts and souls come with return policies. It feels as though the answer to that question today is yes. I've been rather depressed for the past few weeks and, for now at least, I've been feeling fine...better than fine. Other than a few slight irritations, this week has been mostly positive. Had some laughs with a few old friends and for a while it felt just like old times again. My mother's been keeping herself busy and mostly out of my way. Anytime that we do interact, its been positive and mostly fun for us both.

In terms of weight - my ass has begun its retreat. I've been managing my weight pretty effectively and I've lost some weight, but no where near what I would like...but it's one little piece at a time. I was wrong before; coming home has given me a measure of piece, and something else. More and more pieces of myself seem to come back...

It's like I get to tell the world, no matter what, there's a little piece of me you can't have.