For You I Will (Confidence)

I saw him again today, and there was this one awkward moment while riding in his car, but for the most part it was absolutely lovely. He took me to him favorite organic supermarket downtown. We showed each other our favorite foods, - vegetables, snacks, teas. We even talked about what kinds of whole wheat flours we like to use.

I wanted to kiss him so badly, but..there are so many buts. But he just got out of a relationship. But I'm going back to school - in two days. But I don't think I'm his type. My friends like to think that he likes me and I think he was trying to get me to go out with him tonight. It would be just my luck that he likes them tall and skinny and blonde.

I wanted to kiss him so many times today but nothing seemed to fit. And no I'm not in that cute guy induced haze. He's smart, but he's not in school any more. He walked away from MIT and now refuses to even go to our local tech school. He's nice and sweet, but we don't have the same beliefs, which to me at least are very important.

Now that I've wasted this post on McHottie...onto my weight. My measurements have certainly shrunken along with the descending numbers on the scale. My mother, of all people told me that I looked thinner....in light colored jeans to boot (those things make your ass look like Mt. Rushmore). I'm more than half way to my goal...12 more pounds to go.

Living is Simple

Counting down the days...and right now living is simple and living is easy, at least for right now. I'm really not feeling anything except the the warm summer breeze and the urge to lay out. I have been so much more positive over the past few months, and I've been told that its disarming. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I certainly don't care. I feel good - great actually. The same is true from my appearance. Sweet 16...right on the scale. It may not be much for you, but for me it the start of something more beautiful and new.

Sidenote: I have finally met a man who intrigues me. Funny, intelligent (MIT), and attractive. Plus he's a smart-ass, just the way I like them. I could wish for something more, but the grind of school recommences in exactly one week. If only in my mind....

Paranoid

Why are you so paranoid?

In 15 days I'll be back in my college town. I have weeks of meetings, interviews, training, and work followed by the official start of the semester. I have a new found sense of hope and belief this summer, which is part of the reason behind my nonexistent posting over the summer. I am full of energy and life, but that is just as it was last year. That's were the fear and the edge of trepidation comes from.

My hope and faith however has allowed me to see that there is a difference, all be it small. That past hope, those dreams of better days were tinged with a sorrow and hopelessness that at the time I had pushed to the side. I believed that last year was the height of ideal and the pinnacle of my struggle against my bursting waistline.

So far I'm down almost 15, yes one - five, pounds and will continue to go that way until I reach my goal. Twelve more!

Closer

Everyday I get a little closer, dear -
I don't feel thinner, but everyone, including the scale says I am. TEN! Hopefully that will be more on by this Saturday. I have five more weeks until I'm back at the salt mines - ah the glorious grasp of private New England college. Painfully thin girls, athletically trim boys, and the snowy winters to die for.....

Here's a bit my thinspo collection to make up for my recent absence

Little Pieces

Do hearts and souls come with return policies. It feels as though the answer to that question today is yes. I've been rather depressed for the past few weeks and, for now at least, I've been feeling fine...better than fine. Other than a few slight irritations, this week has been mostly positive. Had some laughs with a few old friends and for a while it felt just like old times again. My mother's been keeping herself busy and mostly out of my way. Anytime that we do interact, its been positive and mostly fun for us both.

In terms of weight - my ass has begun its retreat. I've been managing my weight pretty effectively and I've lost some weight, but no where near what I would like...but it's one little piece at a time. I was wrong before; coming home has given me a measure of piece, and something else. More and more pieces of myself seem to come back...

It's like I get to tell the world, no matter what, there's a little piece of me you can't have.

Fluorescent Adolescent

This past month has been hectic and hard. Finals, moving, working all in quick succession. I did manage to pull my myself out of my academic nosedive with a last minute flourish and, at least for now, I'll still still be okay going into thesis writing. I've been going to the gym lately, too, but not as hard as I used to. This summer may just be the time that I need to pull myself together. Even though I've been feeling a bit depressed, its nothing like they way I'd felt earlier this year. Now, when I think about the summer and going how I think about how good it will feel and I start to glow from the inside. I feel like I could light up the room if I wanted - and now I'm finally happy enough to try.

The Iron Sea

I haven't wanted to post since my lunch with a friend because I spent the next two days binging...on everything and anything unlucky enough to cross my path. I'm really annoyed at myself because this always seems to happen. I'll get complacent and just let myself go for whatever reason right as I'm starting to make progress. I can't do that any more. I just need to concentrate.

Readymade

I lost half a pound when i weighed myself thins morning but I don't think that it'll last. I had a burrito lunch complete with chips and salsa. I kept trying to drink more than eat and through half of the burrito away, but I had a craving earlier and went straight for a snack. Apparently I'm willing to let a snake control me. I'm better than that. I have to be if I want to be thinner. Wish me luck....

Love Like Winter

I've been on a fast for the past three days and I've lost so much weight. I hope its not all water weight because I have been drinking water and trying to stay hydrated. Today I woke up almost three pounds lighter. Three whole pounds! I'm excited and I want to keep this up especially when I go back to school.

Hot N' Cold

I love fasting. I've lost two pounds since Sunday, which is wonderful considering my notoriously slow metabolism. A friend of mine wants to go out to lunch on Thursday which means I have to break my fast starting today. Below is a taste of some of my favorite thinspo. There will be more later.

Like A Stone

I must be the only person ever to spontaneously generate weight. I'm fasting this week until Thursday and yesterday was the first. I managed to go up to 142 last night while dining on nothing but water. I did go down this morning but those kinds of things freak me out. I need to go back to school; I miss the gym.

Make This Go On Forever

I've eaten today...it's not a total failure because I only had one bowl of Special K, but I would have preferred to fast. I know myself, and I feel like I will binge tonight and that upsets me. I've been trying to distract myself with day time television, but we all know how that can be: every commercial is about food or weight or working out. I I'll be glad to go back to school it will be a welcomed distraction from food. I'll be posting a full set of my favorite thinspo soon...

This is the New Year

HW:155
CW: 141
LW:115
GW1:138
GW2:135
GW3:133
GW4:130
GW5:128
GW6:125
GW7:123
GW8:120
GW9:118
GW10:116
UGW:115

This is the new year and I don't feel any different... I've lost one pound from yesterday but that's obviously water weight or something. I want this year to be better than last year and I mean that all around. 2008 was not the best of years and all of the big event countdowns last night were filled with bad news, scandals and wars. Sad times...but when I think about how big my ass is I feel sadder.