Showing posts with label ednos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ednos. Show all posts

Monday, June 22, 2009

Orbiting


Another splendid day. I can only hope that this streak can continue. Whenever I have a random string of good days, it's only a matter of time until they're over, replaced by the relative regularity of depression and emptiness. I don't know if I can trust what feel right now, but it's hard not to go with a good feeling.

Something else that scares me - ed. I've been trying very hard to loose this weight in a healthy way, and I actually have been, but everyday I hear this voice in my head that says "You're not thin enough yet! You're not loosing enough, fast enough! Starve!". Every time I diet, I go beyond that and end up doing more harm than good. I've ever talk about it, but I pushed to try and recover this past winter and for the most part I did, but still struggle with being a healthy weight. I'll always want to loose more, even when I'm a perfectly healthy weight.

I think that voice will be there for a very long time, but for now I've been keeping it at bay...I feel a sense of change orbiting my life....

Friday, January 2, 2009

Make This Go On Forever


I've eaten today...it's not a total failure because I only had one bowl of Special K, but I would have preferred to fast. I know myself, and I feel like I will binge tonight and that upsets me. I've been trying to distract myself with day time television, but we all know how that can be: every commercial is about food or weight or working out. I I'll be glad to go back to school it will be a welcomed distraction from food. I'll be posting a full set of my favorite thinspo soon...

Thursday, January 1, 2009

This is the New Year




HW:155
CW: 141
LW:115
GW1:138
GW2:135
GW3:133
GW4:130
GW5:128
GW6:125
GW7:123
GW8:120
GW9:118
GW10:116
UGW:115

This is the new year and I don't feel any different... I've lost one pound from yesterday but that's obviously water weight or something. I want this year to be better than last year and I mean that all around. 2008 was not the best of years and all of the big event countdowns last night were filled with bad news, scandals and wars. Sad times...but when I think about how big my ass is I feel sadder.