Why did I think that a change of scenery would change my life. I mut have forgotten that this year was the year of losses, a year on a metaphorical skid row. The worst part about it is that I hate people who complain avout that sort of thing and I really feel as though I did try. I tried so hard to keep my head above water in all the things that turned on me, but there is only so much that you can do, only so much that you can control.
that's what I've thought about today. All the things that bother me and all the things I've lost. Its not the first time and I doubt that it will be the last. I still think its because I was never really meant to live a life. I don't mean to say that my life, my existence is a mistake, just that the life I wanted is not what I'm supposed to have. When I was younger I used to imagine that I was special like a princess or a something and that the world was the way that it was so that I wouldn't suspect it; that all the people I saw and spoke to were actors or robots sent to move my life story along. Now I realize that I was right, that there are robots and certain special people, I was only wrong about which side I was on...
I just joined weight watchers last weekend, to make my mother happy even though I know -
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