No Sunlight

I've had some really deep conversations this week and I've come to the conclusion that I cannot connect to other people. I've tried to tell them how I feel and why and I've literally gotten blank stares. They don't know why I can't just make myself happy. Truthfully, neither do I. It seems as though I will be afforded none of the understanding that I have previously given to others. I say previously because I don't think I have the strength or will to care about anyone else like that anymore. Looking back on my life I've started to see myself as a vessel, both full and yet completely empty. I've yearned to be filled with everyone else's feelings and needs yet desperate to get mine own out. I think in some ways I tried to do the say with my weight and food. I want to fill my self up and yet I need to get rid of it all. I simultaneously feel okay with that weight, that heaviness but I can't deal with it either.

I am Jack's wounded eyes.....

Sometimes I have these great lovely days and I remember little glimmers from past ones. Just like the sun's rays on my face. My life now is as if clouds have rolled in.

I am Jack's broken heart....

There's no sunlight anymore.