The (After) Life of the Party

Surrounded.

On all sides and by all obstacles. School never fails to disappoint. I've been here for four days and my great summer moral is nearly completely shot. Our director, who normally I love, has been completely weird with me and I don't know why. We're in our training phase and I hope its either a)I'm no longer directly on her staff, or b) she's stressed out. But you know me, any excuse to think I've done something wrong and deserve to be treated like shit. Also, she fat and one of those people that belives the world is sizist, ie its not my fault so I can stuff my face. Again I love her, but she lives in total denile. She also supervised the food shopping. Can you say litterally, and I mean literally 3 full car loads of just left overs that we moved today. Fat me, part duex in 3..2..

My birthday was yesterday and I couldn't be with anyone who really cared about me.

Even I forgot for a while.

I feel so empty here.

I feel so alone.

At training I'm put into this forced awkward group situation where I feel as though no one wants me around. I'm not what anyone wants or expects. I'm the zeppo. No one knows or cares to know. But I'm forced to stay and watch myself be excluded. The worst part is the very unfortunate catch 22 that is created: If you stay you're left totally alone in a room full of people and if you leave they get to blame their lack of interaction on you being aloof.

Note: Mr. Man has forgotten I exist.

I miss my mother. I miss church. I miss my friends.

Now I'm left signing songs that only catch the ears of the desperate.

Welcome Back.